Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
the liver wants what the liver wants
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
