I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
