I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
