Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
