This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
