He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
