im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
