You can't special order awesome
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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