She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
