There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
