don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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