Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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