Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
