A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
