Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
