Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
