he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they're like a gay fantastic four
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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