I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
