Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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