Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
