btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
