Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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