I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
