just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My dick has a subreddit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
