i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
