Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
