I can text with my tongue
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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