I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
