I got chris browned last night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
