How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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