I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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