girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
