I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
