I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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