She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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