He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
