I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
