at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I wear drunk well.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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