Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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