DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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