The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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