watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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