I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can text with my tongue
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
