tell your sister to shave her snatch
People in love make me want to vomit
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
