If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
