my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Hippo gnu deer
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
