Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
