a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
