When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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