guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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