been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
