you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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