hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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