why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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