That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Randomize
